Timothy Olyphant Probably Couldn't Kill You

Even so, it appears the cinematic world expects you to believe otherwise. This almost criminally caucasian actor has signed on to be the star in the upcoming adaptation of the video game Hitman.

The best part about this news is essentially that it forces Olyphant to shave his fucking head like a douchebag. This is nothing if not a fitting punishment for a man who has intentionally appeared in movies like Dreamcatcher, The Girl Next Door, Catch and Release, and motherfucking Rock Star alongside the artist formerly known as Marky Mark.

I'd rather get stabbed in the spleen while licking the bottom of a liposuction clinic's garbage can than be in a movie with Marky Mark, dude.