Madonna Is Slumming

Every great musician faces a pivotal turning point in their career. When you start getting old, irrelevant, and your efforts to seem sexy start reminding people of how crazy Grammy Jenkins got all hopped up on the 'nog last Christmas and passed out underneath the tree shortly before pissing herself, you have to ask a question: Do I keep making shitty albums, or should I branch out and make some shitty movies, too?

For Madonna, the answer is an emphatic and undoubtedly semi-drunken "YES!" Her Maverick company is committed to team with HBO Films to make Hosed, a movie about retarded firemen, with much of the cast of Jackass.

"Chris Pontius, Steve "Steve-O" Glover, Preston Lacy and Jason "Wee Man" Acuna will all be a part of the "broad comedy" about an uncoordinated, over-enthusiastic volunteer firefighter.

When he finally assigned to a firehouse where he has to deal with a band of misfit firefighters from the wrong side of the tracks says The Hollywood Reporter.

Pontius, Glover, Lacy and Acuna will play misfits, with Pontius playing the leader of the band. The volunteer firefighter with whom they interact has not been cast. Adam "Tex" Davis ("Just Friends") will pen the script."

I'm sure Madonna nearly spit out her dentures in joy when she learned that she'd have an excuse to blow all those B-list celebs. Maybe she can hobble over to her PR team on the old walker and suggest a new Sex book. "This time," she'll croak, her 95-year-old skin cracking and splitting under the effort of speaking, "we'll focus on bitches with stretch marks!"

And, just before her struggling old heart fails, she'll squeal, "AND MIDGETS! BRING ME DWARF COCK!"