Mist Remains Unfrightening, Despite Efforts of Douchebags

Horror movies are made by idiots, people. Fucking idiots. I was stupid enough to read some news on Fangoria's website this morning, and found out that there's a new adaptation of Stephen King's The Mist on the way. I love more badly made Stephen King adaptations, but it turns out this one is being done by Frank Darabont, who happens to be the dude behind The Shawshank Redemption, so it could be okay. Then again, it could just be an hour and a half loop of Brookshilariously offing himself.

Now, I haven't read the book, nor can I be bothered to look up a simple synopsis of the story, but I still feel I am completely qualified to ridicule the premise as unfairly as I please. So. Here's a quick rundown of the things that one is apparently allowed to make a horror movie about in today's cinematic climate.

1) Creepy little boys who fucking meow.

2) Creepy little girls who who fall into wells.

3) Motherfucking FOG.

Just think, if you combine creepy little kids, mist, and fog, you've got the scariest shit ever! Some...uh, creepy little retarded kids wandering around in fog, wailing obnoxiously for their cartoons and their apple juice. Great. Give me one fucking bulldozer, a chainsaw, and Bruce Campbell, and let's see how your meowing, foggy, magic-scary-death-videotape-bullshit works out for you.

Bring it the shit on.