tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71582179329786099292024-03-20T09:04:25.226+00:00MovieSlamWhere movie news goes to die.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-861268767543205742007-07-05T11:54:00.000+00:002007-07-05T11:57:07.804+00:00i swallowed all the urine<img src=http://kazz.rooms.cwal.net/metoo.jpg>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-63570553855769661462007-07-04T19:06:00.000+00:002007-07-04T19:09:57.117+00:00i swallowed all the poop<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBbP92sblGa0IYyidk30pvFzsP5yMhyphenhyphen6Pude3qXvzAKEEpJAcAd6ZseY19gfku9LFexM7JEVZR_LH4oNUSvArpdSb-oDQz0RxXrNM2qioS_MFz0SQqkRcJrtZ4JxbeddFfZn1uxio8Fyz/s1600-h/alex+v+dog+biscuit+5.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfBbP92sblGa0IYyidk30pvFzsP5yMhyphenhyphen6Pude3qXvzAKEEpJAcAd6ZseY19gfku9LFexM7JEVZR_LH4oNUSvArpdSb-oDQz0RxXrNM2qioS_MFz0SQqkRcJrtZ4JxbeddFfZn1uxio8Fyz/s400/alex+v+dog+biscuit+5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083421017958076370" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-52394221732305793032007-05-29T17:53:00.001+00:002007-05-29T17:57:41.413+00:00I farted on my own brains<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMHc3S0BTdQQzQRv18CAqTsXqruMEz-V6sDP410wa-SxDieGR2BlUb7RmBLKICxi5OljqMP23qzyKfQp4gJoMBDw5Qo-Y9RLo7APPFtHs1IhUueX6ySdsNFmDS3779MM4BsLTq8CWorTe/s1600-h/mujuices.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMHc3S0BTdQQzQRv18CAqTsXqruMEz-V6sDP410wa-SxDieGR2BlUb7RmBLKICxi5OljqMP23qzyKfQp4gJoMBDw5Qo-Y9RLo7APPFtHs1IhUueX6ySdsNFmDS3779MM4BsLTq8CWorTe/s400/mujuices.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5070043191579997122" /></a><br /><br />I like movies!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-76322771449018819192007-04-04T17:05:00.000+00:002007-04-04T17:08:55.088+00:00Eli Roth Rachets Up The Vagina Stabbing<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqXycYOpk7n2Tdk_aE05J1Y22Shj4Eve4Lwas4d8O34PZNmLwWi5nPx66En1Nwc0XJ9h0JBY9Dcq4HsMat24ehmqECyWmcyAYBBxgJtWOCJ_hNq21B9DkKx0C-5l_lkWuHKC0h0dGfXRg/s1600-h/roth_michaelbuckner-725967.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqXycYOpk7n2Tdk_aE05J1Y22Shj4Eve4Lwas4d8O34PZNmLwWi5nPx66En1Nwc0XJ9h0JBY9Dcq4HsMat24ehmqECyWmcyAYBBxgJtWOCJ_hNq21B9DkKx0C-5l_lkWuHKC0h0dGfXRg/s400/roth_michaelbuckner-725967.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049620533730548770" /></a><br />Eli Roth has contributed a fake trailer to the Tarantino/Rodriguez awesomefest <i>Grindhouse</i>. Roth's entry, which will be shown between the two longer films along with trailers by Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright, is called <i>Thanksgiving</i>. It's about people getting fucked up, and that's all that you need to know.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6H249-dd-F4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6H249-dd-F4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-31942590207003404412007-03-30T16:55:00.000+00:002007-03-30T17:01:39.500+00:00Hostel 2....no seriously, that's alright. I'm set.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFs396zeN1KSu_7_rbYYUaYLfnZ282ombRhYA2JLobhj28AzS3QMGuuosOj7Zk4xc5i-RwW366dhvfaeiMCbyT2-ECPkLxC5WHf-2MSmCYtURnXG1aOxv-7BThkyDzwzrF6E5OKkXvG8et/s1600-h/hostel_2005_320h_1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFs396zeN1KSu_7_rbYYUaYLfnZ282ombRhYA2JLobhj28AzS3QMGuuosOj7Zk4xc5i-RwW366dhvfaeiMCbyT2-ECPkLxC5WHf-2MSmCYtURnXG1aOxv-7BThkyDzwzrF6E5OKkXvG8et/s400/hostel_2005_320h_1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5047763485256453266" /></a><br />Thanks, Eli, I seriously appreciate the thought and all, but I think I'm going to go ahead and eat next week instead. I'll totally take a raincheck on the hour and a half of defenseless little girls being mutilated, though. Get back to me next weekend, broseph.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/PX7qiB0lSRM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PX7qiB0lSRM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-8502737414504315732007-03-30T16:44:00.000+00:002007-03-30T16:50:55.607+00:00MARKY MARK DOESN'T FUCKING TEACH SCIENCE!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7AjGSj5nETULn81IvjmhWiUwt9hqPMvDx1ve8fzbbl3cEQlrSjJLd8ieAKFHOZPgTR0Em_aqpjGtyXvbV14wjfFIHb2KyPdpUAIPWeGc5F-KjVHt4VG5bREKlSd6CwEOFaXOmC2QCN9xn/s1600-h/marky.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7AjGSj5nETULn81IvjmhWiUwt9hqPMvDx1ve8fzbbl3cEQlrSjJLd8ieAKFHOZPgTR0Em_aqpjGtyXvbV14wjfFIHb2KyPdpUAIPWeGc5F-KjVHt4VG5bREKlSd6CwEOFaXOmC2QCN9xn/s400/marky.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5047759602606017666" /></a><br />Since <a href="http://people.westminstercollege.edu/faculty/ccline/billnye/billnye4.jpg">Bill Nye is apparently busy launching chemical weapons</a> into unsuspecting crowds, Mark Wahlberg has been tapped to star in the new M Night movie.<br /><br />"Twentieth Century Fox will release M. Night Shyamalan's paranoia thriller, "The Happening," worldwide on Friday June 13th 2008.<br /><br />Mark Wahlberg is set to star in the film about a family on the run from an apocalyptic threat to humanity. <br /><br />"Mark has a unique blend of charisma, humanity, authenticity and skillfulness as an actor;" said Shyamalan. "All of which coalesced at this moment in his career, making him the perfect person to take on the role of Elliot Moore, the science teacher at the center of this event.""<br /><br />Charisma? Humanity? No he fucking doesn't! Marky Mark has abs and a vast, bottomless well of rage towards the rest of mankind! Asking Mark Wahlberg to play a science teacher is like asking a lion to play a nursery school teacher. It may end up being funny, but it's just too much of a stretch.<br /><br />Mark my words: there will be a scene in this movie where Mark Wahlberg punches a fucking monster in the head. You wait.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-79792441744282277062007-03-23T16:33:00.000+00:002007-03-23T16:52:54.865+00:00Kurt Russell A Cranky Old Bitch<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGE12B_p8eoi1GLElzftVo6CMS3Iv4X1gGw8c7vZSemGUI1ET4IdNZOI4ZO0abldQQOKr9RgWlB-RAikGxRJHYk3K9BCaLQBYdQvnf7m1sETSRjVXTKH01hJuW2Ql19t_XKoofL7Qsje76/s1600-h/snake_plissken.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGE12B_p8eoi1GLElzftVo6CMS3Iv4X1gGw8c7vZSemGUI1ET4IdNZOI4ZO0abldQQOKr9RgWlB-RAikGxRJHYk3K9BCaLQBYdQvnf7m1sETSRjVXTKH01hJuW2Ql19t_XKoofL7Qsje76/s400/snake_plissken.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045160272665958482" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Since there's rumoured to be a remake of <i>Escape From New York</i> in the works - which no one cares about anymore - Kurt Russell - whom no one cares about anymore, either- has decided to weigh in on what he thinks about the idea of registered fucking badass <a href="http://www.zonanegativa.com/imagen/5430.jpg">Gerard Butler</a> playing the character of Snake Plissken.. As anyone who has ever seen an old person whine about the taste of their prune juice or the fact that they have, yet again, shit all over the recently steam-cleaned carpet can guess, <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070322h.php">Kurt's unhappy</a>.<br /><br />""When I was told who was going to play Snake Plissken, my initial reaction was ''Oh, man!'' [Russell winces]. I do think that character was quintessentially one thing. And that is, American...He's a fascinating character. In fact, he's the most complex character I've ever played" says Russell.<br /><br />So no chance of a cameo by Russell? "F--- that! I am Snake Plissken! It's like Sean Connery always watching someone else do their version of Bond.""<br /><br />As evidence to refute Kurt's own assertion of himself as an applicable badass, I'd like to present the following images of him in full-blown movie action:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-WeasZOfSij7-jeo8Iwrx4oCxO1xKbpdxi6XySysjvm5qpcNiTyno0fBh1hskLtDhUNq2G6WQASjS6_D2H3Fu05h-tj6w2HGHl4PF7fK5mLFV7HVna9yuNtem8OL_OC0sjwfQQnYUdgbC/s1600-h/10101817.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-WeasZOfSij7-jeo8Iwrx4oCxO1xKbpdxi6XySysjvm5qpcNiTyno0fBh1hskLtDhUNq2G6WQASjS6_D2H3Fu05h-tj6w2HGHl4PF7fK5mLFV7HVna9yuNtem8OL_OC0sjwfQQnYUdgbC/s400/10101817.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045161775904512098" /></a> <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYKWmxEvAb3i_Hay2_yg-9-m_LJzYJLiCcXSIAXPyk0_BZjlbvDdKpPEnXUap7XNYxuUjcUBB2aAzWRo8Kz32TOgqRWJAD73y_JZPka54PO6weeL27jd06KalwSlA6KK3I4M82JErMqGkj/s1600-h/bigtrouble44.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYKWmxEvAb3i_Hay2_yg-9-m_LJzYJLiCcXSIAXPyk0_BZjlbvDdKpPEnXUap7XNYxuUjcUBB2aAzWRo8Kz32TOgqRWJAD73y_JZPka54PO6weeL27jd06KalwSlA6KK3I4M82JErMqGkj/s400/bigtrouble44.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045162295595554946" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiYYLn_bW0RnE9c_Gk5B2ZiCtvz367meUBeTIkOdUzxjEwVGOPwapovhLcoDHh7ocnpyvYfxNJOVH_eiFjtFBIFq3z-m0BlxHfy26By9las0lEuYIraosKzAb64QaoXb1U8rpE_iSuK45m/s1600-h/3000miles-russell-elvis.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiYYLn_bW0RnE9c_Gk5B2ZiCtvz367meUBeTIkOdUzxjEwVGOPwapovhLcoDHh7ocnpyvYfxNJOVH_eiFjtFBIFq3z-m0BlxHfy26By9las0lEuYIraosKzAb64QaoXb1U8rpE_iSuK45m/s400/3000miles-russell-elvis.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045162261235816562" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKoG54Y3TqxWRLstwsGr95Z5EKE6sLNin9XzkaAkaZ3DWmHHpMOHQA1RIcfUNjoiXHv1JZ8Zf7uuerUrkmaN-hqKswnjum4auTx7EaSG6d1rtaQkD3_y0xej4zW8XJLR46fiLbRrc-vYn2/s1600-h/SHC-C058-06R.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKoG54Y3TqxWRLstwsGr95Z5EKE6sLNin9XzkaAkaZ3DWmHHpMOHQA1RIcfUNjoiXHv1JZ8Zf7uuerUrkmaN-hqKswnjum4auTx7EaSG6d1rtaQkD3_y0xej4zW8XJLR46fiLbRrc-vYn2/s400/SHC-C058-06R.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045163124524243090" /></a><br /><br />You know what, Kurt? I stand corrected. Put on your fucking eyepatch and show us, once more, how unbelievably cool you are in comparison to the ripped guy I just watched stab 20,000 Persians to death. Fuckhead.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-58730756398257689352007-03-23T16:14:00.000+00:002007-03-23T16:29:44.151+00:00Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet Hoping For A Better Second Date<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sQ5T3NXkrkbSlQseo8HUBTcLW04iHECnRDsen91miAtpyTf0y9-rVxQyM5MEbX7syoW_DcTdGyMTEFdgjmwQXz9MvAV68w4OusM-yOOLMIV6SG3y3adJ9cb6wXAJv4ubJ4plWP1_vX1m/s1600-h/titanic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sQ5T3NXkrkbSlQseo8HUBTcLW04iHECnRDsen91miAtpyTf0y9-rVxQyM5MEbX7syoW_DcTdGyMTEFdgjmwQXz9MvAV68w4OusM-yOOLMIV6SG3y3adJ9cb6wXAJv4ubJ4plWP1_vX1m/s400/titanic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045156677778331698" border="0" /></a><br /><br />We've all had awkward first dates before. Stilted conversation, uncomfortable moments, pending rape charges - you know the routine. But usually, one can go ahead and be certain that you're not seeing each other again if your first date results in a massive ocean liner sinking and thousands of people meeting their doom in frigid arctic waters.<br /><br />It kind of qualifies as a "bummer."<br /><br />That's why it's so suprising to see Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070323c.php">teaming up in a movie again</a>. Ladies and gentlemen, <i>TITANIC 2</i>!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn7hsgK0iGoSzQkJ4I3v-hZ3-QX_kpv5QwRxBWzMla_fatDMr2BatOxyuN_YEP-GoY_Pv3zow-ZDZ6JqrfTCwq-wDnvs18tKgbIm5iDCWPCXytBVodOCe24Xle7GcjtwFksc9a2i37yx9L/s1600-h/titanic2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn7hsgK0iGoSzQkJ4I3v-hZ3-QX_kpv5QwRxBWzMla_fatDMr2BatOxyuN_YEP-GoY_Pv3zow-ZDZ6JqrfTCwq-wDnvs18tKgbIm5iDCWPCXytBVodOCe24Xle7GcjtwFksc9a2i37yx9L/s400/titanic2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5045157463757346882" border="0" /></a>Just kidding. The movie's actually <i>Revolutionary Road</i>, an adaptation of a very critically acclaimed novel with lots of things that my literature professors tell me are important: story, words, characters, and syllables. Syllables are the most vital part of any literary masterpiece, you know. R.L. Stine books? Billions of fucking syllables, dude.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-74127328522093858162007-03-19T16:24:00.000+00:002007-03-19T16:35:51.526+00:00Hey! 300 MORE Spartans!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4XpktSdkuzC-Ht9aTjiLzUJy8PLTSryKTmDWTKZS8MYkQYS8qFHsVufnQIC4EuzTmJl1hCLmBUnlaqV1F-9Jj_5TmDygigi5EukuZe66KK3pV3T_e6zyq3omlpRxSMI6QtMcV824RrmK/s1600-h/300-707925.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz4XpktSdkuzC-Ht9aTjiLzUJy8PLTSryKTmDWTKZS8MYkQYS8qFHsVufnQIC4EuzTmJl1hCLmBUnlaqV1F-9Jj_5TmDygigi5EukuZe66KK3pV3T_e6zyq3omlpRxSMI6QtMcV824RrmK/s400/300-707925.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5043673503098975362" border="0" /></a><br />Faster than you can say "rolling around in endless piles of money," there's <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070318e.php">talks of a sequel</a> to massive, pulsating man-movie <i>300</i>. Be still, my beating, fully erect, hungry for blood and combat cock:<br /><br />"Of course a direct sequel is out of the question, but now Variety reports that Frank Miller is hard at work prepping a follow-up to "300" based on another mythic tale from Greek history.<br /><br />Which one though? Miller won't divulge details, and in any case is busy prepping to helm the "Sin City" sequel (due to begin filming inn June), an adaptation of Will Eisner's "The Spirit" and has comic commitments."<br /><br /><b><i>JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO LIVE IN SPARTA.<br /><br />XERXES IS BACK, AND HE WANTS MOOOOOOORE STUFF! <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQGnstt30DGbOqtTfMTsFSX6eVw7rMGqukicCJTM5WfD1VaLFYkGA53-KTvPPMcgh2krXZSiiKp-H9q3bNSVRlhdHiKV_rZIPhyphenhyphen2NFegS69YGnh56HuzFmyGUxNJD-71avz_1vuJPg5Ec/s1600-h/2962007021422332115rodrigog.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQGnstt30DGbOqtTfMTsFSX6eVw7rMGqukicCJTM5WfD1VaLFYkGA53-KTvPPMcgh2krXZSiiKp-H9q3bNSVRlhdHiKV_rZIPhyphenhyphen2NFegS69YGnh56HuzFmyGUxNJD-71avz_1vuJPg5Ec/s400/2962007021422332115rodrigog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5043674585430733986" border="0" /></a> "Give me some more of your stuff?"<br /><br />WE NEED 300 MORE SPARTANS! <br /><br />COMING. THIS SUMMER.<br /><br /></i></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-35232118759489056412007-03-05T17:19:00.000+00:002007-03-05T17:29:32.634+00:00Satan Just Got A Whole Lot Gayer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4yQxyrY61n0d9vqJLvdzSgAyI2i10qu5G-Z_waxBUWKwRA1bexcHpi4jo9h3e8WB5lBPhitjvW-xpItL4u-1J42w37R-zIbFBhSPF2rGNmFuxXIT3XaiG_ByLkhdScahaG5GKDlCDPWC-/s1600-h/satan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4yQxyrY61n0d9vqJLvdzSgAyI2i10qu5G-Z_waxBUWKwRA1bexcHpi4jo9h3e8WB5lBPhitjvW-xpItL4u-1J42w37R-zIbFBhSPF2rGNmFuxXIT3XaiG_ByLkhdScahaG5GKDlCDPWC-/s400/satan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5038491476614326946" /></a><br />It's likely that most people won't be particularly excited by <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070305q.php">the news</a> that there's an adaptation of <i>Paradise Lost</i> in the works. <i>the book learnin',</i> they'll drawl. <i>i don't do dem book learnin'. me like-a da american idols.</i> And then, of course, at the thought of their favorite television program, they jump up and down excitedly for a few hours, clapping and cheering at their own marvelous memory. Great. But look who's up for the lead part! Daniel Craig! Heath Ledger!<br /><br />"The New York Times reports that Vincent Newman, producer of the $100 million feature film of John Milton's poem "Paradise Lost", has pegged both actors as top choices for the role of Lucifer.<br /><br />The film, likely to be directed by Scott Derickson ("The Exorcism of Emily Rose"), is based on John Milton's 17th-century epic poem which tells the story of Lucifer's fall and the temptation of Adam and Eve.<br /><br />The writers are deliberately moving away from the Milton touches to the text and Adam and Eve aspect in favour of the war of archangels - the battle in Heaven between God’s and Satan’s armies.<br /><br />The aim is also to make the Devil into a deeper and more interesting character along the lines of Henry Hill in "Goodfellas"."<br /><br />I won't pretend to know who's the better choice for the part, but I will propose the best way to resolve the conflict. <i>Wrestling in oil</i>. Mmm.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-30459395277836999302007-03-05T17:07:00.000+00:002007-03-05T17:18:56.869+00:00Tobey Maguire Wants To Move On<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkJVY5My27UAxezsctMiNmirNuB1NopzrnPlzz1aryOCT1vk1TsYTgovHQveZJGVU7l7WQs1uzfrQQeFGJjbmiH0XYhG43vefOi61Gu10SAoZ-C_nLRC9rYklEDtmZLRLlVSEX9xNqF0C7/s1600-h/Wallpaper-053-TobeyMaguire-thumb.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkJVY5My27UAxezsctMiNmirNuB1NopzrnPlzz1aryOCT1vk1TsYTgovHQveZJGVU7l7WQs1uzfrQQeFGJjbmiH0XYhG43vefOi61Gu10SAoZ-C_nLRC9rYklEDtmZLRLlVSEX9xNqF0C7/s400/Wallpaper-053-TobeyMaguire-thumb.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5038488736425192082" /></a><br />Tobey Maguire has announced that <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070305l.php">he's done with <i>Spiderman</i> movies</a>. Playing the lead in the most successful superhero series in movie history, you must realize, is literally boring enough to make one's brain crawl, moaning in pain, out of one's skull through the ear canal. It's not a pleasant experience, is it Tobey?<br /><br />""To me it seems like this is a natural point for the team to break up because we have a lot of story conclusions that were going along for the main characters for the first two movies and we kind of tie almost everything up for the third movie," he tells The Courier Mail.<br /><br />"It feels like a trilogy to me and it feels like the end" he adds. The comments match those of co-star Kirsten Dunst and director Sam Raimi who both seem to feel that this will be their last involvement in the franchise."<br /><br />Maguire will now move on to other, far more interesting dramatic roles - A retarded clown, perhaps? Is there anyone who wouldn't pay to see that? - and hoping against hope that people don't ask him to do a <i>Spiderman</i> impression on the street.<br /><br />Passerby: Hey! You're Spiderman, right? Yeah, I know you from the movies!<br />Tobey Maguire: Oh, well, thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed the films.<br />Passerby: Yeah, yeah! Hey, do that dance from the Spidey movie! <br />Tobey:...The dance? I don't think that there was a <i>dance</i>, actua-<br />Passerby: (brandishing pistol) Dance.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-18478662817756032982007-02-28T17:35:00.000+00:002007-02-28T17:55:32.984+00:00Aaron Eckhart Excited To Have His Face Burned Off<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHzSgW1j5BLKxOvxsfurShel5RLPVw8ovpmsgvAtSAnEjE5-pRppOvMSiChyphenhyphenltRp-0jZfBqC9MEPDFkFQgJcNUDOB5eVM1I5jK2VvVapZPS_y90YZxYNTTYO_WShTIkxSBUG_G6DkfvpEF/s1600-h/E.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHzSgW1j5BLKxOvxsfurShel5RLPVw8ovpmsgvAtSAnEjE5-pRppOvMSiChyphenhyphenltRp-0jZfBqC9MEPDFkFQgJcNUDOB5eVM1I5jK2VvVapZPS_y90YZxYNTTYO_WShTIkxSBUG_G6DkfvpEF/s400/E.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5036640082639131746" /></a><br />Aaron Eckhart is going to be Two Face in the next <i>Batman</i> movie, and he's giddy as a schoolgirl at the prospect of eventually having his face burned off on camera. But then, what schoolgirl <i>isn't</i> excited about that sort of thing? It's a rite of passage, like having your period or unwanted pregnancy. <br /><br />""Batman is a complex character, and Two-Face comes a little bit from the same world," Eckhart told MTV.com. "But [at the same time] he's apart from it. ... I'm looking for the tension between the two, the similarities between the two."<br /><br />He added, "I want to find what's similar to Batman and then find what's opposite to him."<br /><br />Eckhart confirmed that he will only play Dent in Dark Knight but will portray Two-Face in the next Bat-film. He would not, however, comment on the rumor that The Joker (Heath Ledger) is responsible for Dent's scarring and transformation from good guy to bad."<br /><br />To assist Eckhart in researching the role, many fans - myself included - will be offered the chance to throw a tennis ball at a target. If they hit the target, Eckhart, sitting on a collapsible chair, will be plunged into a boiling pool of hydrochloric acid. <br /><br />It's called <i>method acting</i>, people.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-34407713946382615602007-02-26T17:50:00.000+00:002007-02-26T17:59:16.964+00:00Angelina Jolie Not Quite Understanding The Concept<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG91HDDqlayBsHxq-CzjR_ve_Es4qZqIjFDHe-qUi1bL3r7iw-AZWfJ_Oei0-ELCyvFw-GTU_qPjjbedky_j-gv54Bg1PmWKuBmtUPXwaHtOg7haclEq0URaMsFNvhTwSSPEls7ngRAuZI/s1600-h/angelina-jolie-01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG91HDDqlayBsHxq-CzjR_ve_Es4qZqIjFDHe-qUi1bL3r7iw-AZWfJ_Oei0-ELCyvFw-GTU_qPjjbedky_j-gv54Bg1PmWKuBmtUPXwaHtOg7haclEq0URaMsFNvhTwSSPEls7ngRAuZI/s320/angelina-jolie-01.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035902758322546706" /></a><br />I'm pretty sure that Angelina Jolie was once an actress, wasn't she? It seems as though the only thing she does now is go to places, adopt children, and then think of new places to go. Example: <a href="http://imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-02-26/#celeb3">she recently went to Africa</a> in an effort to raise awareness about the problems in the Darfur region of Sudan. <br /><br />Listen, Angelina, I don't mean to rain on your beautiful, humanitarian hippie crazybitch parade or anything, but I'm pretty sure that impoverished <i>residents of fucking Africa</i> are the last ones you need to remind about how shitty Africa is. This is the rough equivalent of going to a burn ward with some aloe vera and telling someone with no skin, "Hey, you might want to slap some ointment on that bitch."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-42705092014521482232007-02-26T17:19:00.000+00:002007-02-26T17:48:40.026+00:00I'm Marty Scorsese, I've Got An Oscar, So Go Fuck Yourselves<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9DM7zOYiiIePS0K96-v2AAyoUKl5TLMPYeZe2Esh6JUp0SvZAO9Xs-Wlt371qQl5AAvrLrQqI4_T97gohT9abt4LY9rVkfIw20vDB7AtN2bxa0_GDH6DT49swe0VmiIuMsja6CjvSQAml/s1600-h/lontoday.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9DM7zOYiiIePS0K96-v2AAyoUKl5TLMPYeZe2Esh6JUp0SvZAO9Xs-Wlt371qQl5AAvrLrQqI4_T97gohT9abt4LY9rVkfIw20vDB7AtN2bxa0_GDH6DT49swe0VmiIuMsja6CjvSQAml/s400/lontoday.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035894176977889218" /></a><br />The Oscars were last night. In an effort to keep anyone from offing themselves out of boredom, I'll keep the Oscar report to a bare minimum.<br /><br /><b>Best Picture</b>: <i>Martin Scorsese for The Departed</i><br />It's good that <i>Departed</i> won, because not only was it better than any of the other shit that was nominated, several thousand people would have died by Martin Scorsese's rage-fueled flaming kitana if there had been any other outcome. Know what's scarier than a bitter Italian guy? A bitter Italian guy with a sword and <i>nothing left to live for</i>. <b>COMING THIS SUMMER</b>.<br /><br /><b>Best Actor</b>: <i>Forest Whittaker for The Last King of Scotland</i>.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0RT0ziob_8E0VAwXm7EjiFzyB_Tho0rdBAD_Uad2TCTbqKlZyYzqhzHKMui-9C9csm5qwIGDJkJP29gMRFdwktegZbYMsVqtjP6VeCKJ9yzX73XGZcg-fZRzqsmltaBe99cZ6K50J4gp/s1600-h/fw3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0RT0ziob_8E0VAwXm7EjiFzyB_Tho0rdBAD_Uad2TCTbqKlZyYzqhzHKMui-9C9csm5qwIGDJkJP29gMRFdwktegZbYMsVqtjP6VeCKJ9yzX73XGZcg-fZRzqsmltaBe99cZ6K50J4gp/s320/fw3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035896217087354834" /></a><br /><strike>lazy eye lazy eye lazy eye lazy eye lazy eye</strike>Just a talented actor here, winning an award he clearly deserved for an impressive <strike>lazy eye</strike> performance.<br /><br /><b>Best Actress</b>: <i>Helen Mirren for The Queen</i><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFJ8nsA0ONYI-gdMIPS-yZAH0CA8EkJFujL52sJa28f3Ltl4jaKoU8Ja4sGmsUmdng722IdojB7AtNCf5TLS31UtGzwpqaFT2Jqegmkzo7tIOa6wQ8Yi_ABITvEdr_TAS6s6oKrJAUpbDA/s1600-h/bfqueen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFJ8nsA0ONYI-gdMIPS-yZAH0CA8EkJFujL52sJa28f3Ltl4jaKoU8Ja4sGmsUmdng722IdojB7AtNCf5TLS31UtGzwpqaFT2Jqegmkzo7tIOa6wQ8Yi_ABITvEdr_TAS6s6oKrJAUpbDA/s320/bfqueen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035896874217351138" /></a><br />Who? Has she ever been in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie? <br /><br /><b>Supporting Actor</b>: <i>Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine</i><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRUHuZS32zV-4VZZT9ScGYrjmgTFzsJlQYxFBRY24q21bWEdWvlessuhsSDesZHRbkEHt2MO1p20X7auTvJcsCga8ME31mp9exFQFyENZ_YRnPSF6VtgYdNN5SFshmoNmLoZOnDoNvaRq/s1600-h/alan-arkin-sized.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRUHuZS32zV-4VZZT9ScGYrjmgTFzsJlQYxFBRY24q21bWEdWvlessuhsSDesZHRbkEHt2MO1p20X7auTvJcsCga8ME31mp9exFQFyENZ_YRnPSF6VtgYdNN5SFshmoNmLoZOnDoNvaRq/s320/alan-arkin-sized.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035897720325908466" /></a><br />Listen, I'm all for giving old people pity oscars and everything, as it's undoubtedly very sweet and compassionate and all, but Jesus. Has anyone actually <i>seen</i> the nominees that this guy - who was in the movie for a half an hour and then died - beat out? You think Eddie Murphy and Marky Mark didn't take a lead pipe to the academy members a few minutes after the ceremony ended? In the future, let's just have a senior citizen ceremony, with paper mache statues and bathroom breaks every minute.<br /><br /><b>Supporting Actress</b>: <i>Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls</i><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigkfhLn8fsvCwmcafDWAjeGkqDyPM9S0V_KzuH4C0JsA3dXpFy7rfEdkXJ8EKaDb-Ekaan8YCxlsdiVIS09Jc47dBykJ61dgBb9fR3xoaYMjxgleNgZiCfxjELwpUFzcd03ljrXTyYTuxJ/s1600-h/112439__jennifer_l.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigkfhLn8fsvCwmcafDWAjeGkqDyPM9S0V_KzuH4C0JsA3dXpFy7rfEdkXJ8EKaDb-Ekaan8YCxlsdiVIS09Jc47dBykJ61dgBb9fR3xoaYMjxgleNgZiCfxjELwpUFzcd03ljrXTyYTuxJ/s320/112439__jennifer_l.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5035900361730795522" /></a><br />A former American Idol contestant has won an Oscar. I will now proceed to swallow my tongue and dig my eyes out with a kitchen knife, because the endtimes are upon us.<br /><br /><b>All The Other Oscars</b>: <i>Nicholas Cage for The Wicker Man</i><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/e6i2WRreARo"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/e6i2WRreARo" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-67953392628578742672007-02-23T17:33:00.000+00:002007-02-23T17:40:45.188+00:00Robert De Niro Won't Stop Making Shit<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMkxWq7iERnYPmI7Qn6A3A0YaKWVXHkX6sRM-VxsMAZu37pFf4LvJskYLxnfjTZMebEBmFGpgD9a_b9g8W1gNSjPdyrzXqe83EcUp3EecGeu8hrQzVEwP5dec3UpnbP5Wr4WtaElMAlui/s1600-h/Robert-DeNiro---Analyze-That-Photograph-C10102490.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMkxWq7iERnYPmI7Qn6A3A0YaKWVXHkX6sRM-VxsMAZu37pFf4LvJskYLxnfjTZMebEBmFGpgD9a_b9g8W1gNSjPdyrzXqe83EcUp3EecGeu8hrQzVEwP5dec3UpnbP5Wr4WtaElMAlui/s400/Robert-DeNiro---Analyze-That-Photograph-C10102490.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034785199242192802" /></a><br />Robert De Niro has officially <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070223l.php">signed on for another <i>Meet The Fockers</i> movie</a>. <br /><br />" Director Jay Roach and the producers are presently planning the film's story with Larry Stuckey officially penning the script reports Variety.<br /><br />The plan is for all the principals from the previous film to return - DeNiro, Blythe Danner, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Barbara Streisand and Dustin Hoffman.<br /><br />Both "Meet the Parents" and "Meet the Fockers' have pulled in a total of $845 million in worldwide ticket sales."<br /><br />In related news, I have been holding a pistol barrel in my quivering mouth for over an hour now, and I swear to fucking God I will pull the trigger if someone doesn't stop this franchise before it makes a billion dollars. A BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-64525515904768989582007-02-23T17:24:00.000+00:002007-02-23T17:33:47.160+00:00Vinnie Jones Wants To Fuck The Shit Out of You<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI52IvRZWlKXSBIvofDERiGG62Tz1oV-s7TYs2F7jQXJRDbFz-eoZKly4btjY79tFaLwE4mvfZPswBYODozynJBErXL5uyWQzrN9uF7oCzpetX1Q3spMLiPSSuoxbVewAK2Uz6ZxmMRdhm/s1600-h/Vinnie_Jones.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI52IvRZWlKXSBIvofDERiGG62Tz1oV-s7TYs2F7jQXJRDbFz-eoZKly4btjY79tFaLwE4mvfZPswBYODozynJBErXL5uyWQzrN9uF7oCzpetX1Q3spMLiPSSuoxbVewAK2Uz6ZxmMRdhm/s400/Vinnie_Jones.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034782016671426450" border="0" /></a><br />This is easily the best news I've heard in my entire life. Obvious serial killer Vinnie Jones is going to star as a serial killer in - get this - a movie called <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070223b.php"><i>Midnight Meat Train</i></a>. I'm jumping up and down with excitement about this, honestly.<br /><br />"Jones will portray Mahogany, a serial killer who rides the midnight subways, looking for victims to butcher before the train reaches the last stop.<br /><br />Leslie Bibb and Brooke Shields have also taken roles in the film scheduled to begin production next month in Los Angeles."<br /><br />I'm really not even sure this is a real movie. Part of me thinks this is the best name for a porn I've ever heard of, but another part of me thinks that Vinnie Jones, in his constant hunger for flesh, thought to himself, "If I send out a casting call, I can lure <i>hundreds</i> of cast and crew members to the cave! <b>I WILL HAVE MANFLESH THIS NIGHT!</b>" This is just the best fake name Vinnie could come up with besides <i>Vinnie's Going To Kill Your Ass For Dinner</i>.<br /><br />So, I guess what I'm saying if you're interested in seeing Brooke Shields <i>before</i> she's been mega-raped to death, you had better stop by her house and say hello before this movie starts shooting.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-70505788451138922202007-02-23T17:10:00.000+00:002007-02-23T17:22:57.203+00:00Movie Lesson: Don't Fuck With Alien Artifacts<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ3cU-fVt2L802TN13Zt_dmav3QrKsVF9IK4feEfjhs35WNRSl3VLHOsfa-_vLtdWNq4uPMUMx1HcSy67a9Ml8Yl5qrVpkj3GSeh0_PqU9-s9E2nE_T0YdrsDJifCfoD3oXs68bFW5IKwS/s1600-h/alien-vs-predator-20040813070201187-000.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ3cU-fVt2L802TN13Zt_dmav3QrKsVF9IK4feEfjhs35WNRSl3VLHOsfa-_vLtdWNq4uPMUMx1HcSy67a9Ml8Yl5qrVpkj3GSeh0_PqU9-s9E2nE_T0YdrsDJifCfoD3oXs68bFW5IKwS/s400/alien-vs-predator-20040813070201187-000.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034779602899806082" /></a><br />If there's one lesson that movies constantly reinforce for us, it's that humans are unforgivably, unbelievably, borderline-needing-a-helmet stupid. Witness the <a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3i941d9308f5a91e2eecec5ef0c120905c">plot of the upcoming <i>Area 52</i></a>:<br /><br />"Benderspink has acquired rights to "Area 52," a comic book by Brian Haberlin.<br /><br />The story follows a group of misfit soldiers stationed at a remote military base in Antarctica who learn that they are guarding a storage facility in which top-secret, otherworldly technologies and weapons are kept and analyzed. A murderous alien, hatched from something believed to be an artifact, stalks the soldiers, who must team to defeat it."<br /><br />Listen. Let's go ahead and picture you've fought to conceal your overwhelming retardation for your entire life and have made it just long enough to secure a high-ranking military post on a top secret post. I'll ignore the fact that you must be far too stupid to string together a sentence, let alone defend a location vital to our national security. <br /><br />You come upon an alien artifact in the basement or the break room or whatever, and you think, "Well, hey, this looks like the gateway to happy funtime! I'ma gonna investimigate! *chuckle*"<br /><br />And then you poke it. <br /><br />Honestly, at this point, you need to die, just so that balance is restored to the universe. I'm going to say this one time and one time only: <b>DON'T POKE AN ALIEN ARTIFACT</b>. Nothing good is going to happen! There's no candy! Leave it alone! Jesus fucking christ!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-32781807806254990442007-02-21T18:26:00.000+00:002007-02-21T18:39:14.824+00:00Hey, thanks Viacom! You're made of fucking dicks!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3KnSgXRRONVuSJursWj8hVP0H9tevO2vE_Cf0a4ufmrntOiLAT7uZxL-MdbTVwlyMsmK3DNQcDpt0hQqynM19I5YneYKWLS8N0A-yczyHHLk3HZFW-YrXZ-o5Vab8natUVFJPzkBDaXoi/s1600-h/viacom_split.03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3KnSgXRRONVuSJursWj8hVP0H9tevO2vE_Cf0a4ufmrntOiLAT7uZxL-MdbTVwlyMsmK3DNQcDpt0hQqynM19I5YneYKWLS8N0A-yczyHHLk3HZFW-YrXZ-o5Vab8natUVFJPzkBDaXoi/s400/viacom_split.03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034056858688137058" /></a><br />Ever notice how you can't find your favorite clip of Dave Chappelle screaming about Rick James and bitches and such anymore on youtube? Yeah, well <a href="http://imdb.com/news/sb/2007-02-20/#film2">thank Viacom</a>, the company that owns a bunch of shit and doesn't want you to have it unless it's through <i>their</i> cheap knock-off web site.<br /><br />"Viacom, which ordered that all of the clips from its cable networks be pulled off YouTube two weeks ago, will allow them to return to a new video website, Joost, the Wall Street Journal reported today, saying that the deal is likely to be announced today (Tuesday). Under it, Viacom has agreed to license hundreds of hours of programming from MTV, Comedy Central, Nickelodeon, BET, Spike, and its other cable networks as well as movies made by Viacom-owned Paramount Pictures."<br /><br />Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I'm pretty sure that Google owns Youtube. And I'm also pretty sure that with the combined teen and college student appeal that Google and Youtube attract, they could - in a single day, mind you - raise a vicious, merciless army of darkness to march upon Viacom headquarters to take back their Rick James Bitch with axes, flaming torches, and motherfucking catapults. <br /><br />I'm not saying we should do it, but it could happen, Viacom. Don't fuck with Google, dude.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-39553138695628527452007-02-21T18:16:00.000+00:002007-02-21T18:26:13.220+00:00Don't Fuck With John Rambo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8i2eyt24iabTjw1qFswxcKp8EUgyZVm4vLnMBh9uwQSbj2F52N4YJKAarQ0JThXQtvGEbiYVquxACy1h-QB0zjaHvTRtGZBzjQydjhVSe-uPjbLCos0zZmzh6COumjNYRCGLiH8yuKOr/s1600-h/tarzan-o-rambo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8i2eyt24iabTjw1qFswxcKp8EUgyZVm4vLnMBh9uwQSbj2F52N4YJKAarQ0JThXQtvGEbiYVquxACy1h-QB0zjaHvTRtGZBzjQydjhVSe-uPjbLCos0zZmzh6COumjNYRCGLiH8yuKOr/s400/tarzan-o-rambo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034053560153253714" /></a><br />Certain heroes in our culture are destined to live forever. James Bond, Batman, those fucking cavemen from the car insurance commercials, and, finally, 80-year-old dudes who (apparently) hunt the native peoples of Burma for sport. In case you didn't know, there's a new Rambo coming out, and fuck, it's going to be badass, <a href="http://movies.ign.com/articles/765/765834p1.html">because now he's got a first name</a> to go along with his millions of flesh-ripping bullets of freedom. <br /><br />"After a variety of title (and storyline) changes, it seems that the soon to be shooting fourth film in Sylvester Stallone's Rambo series has yet another name. And this time it's a pared-down one: John Rambo."<br /><br />It's a good thing that Rambo's title has a first name included, because if there's one thing that terrorists and people from Burma are scared of, it's American first names. And holy water, and <i>not</i> shitting in caves. But mostly the name part.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-76874714264654420042007-02-21T17:18:00.000+00:002007-02-21T17:40:19.097+00:00People Getting Tortured Continues To Be Funny<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqL7c4ec68bglB3wUeSfCCoNcBjshADDof7h9xeUi13mo6GFvr3klV1abaj2HZWuXqBiStCubEhK3W0aIJcZN3stHWNTdLPRousC88sZZ1-Y_mEYMvM9EGqVZHSGlSDMwZqo_jag9C39Ts/s1600-h/SawII.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqL7c4ec68bglB3wUeSfCCoNcBjshADDof7h9xeUi13mo6GFvr3klV1abaj2HZWuXqBiStCubEhK3W0aIJcZN3stHWNTdLPRousC88sZZ1-Y_mEYMvM9EGqVZHSGlSDMwZqo_jag9C39Ts/s400/SawII.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5034041396805871426" border="0" /></a><br />I know that we've rabbits and rainbows and the Geneva conventions and all of that hippie bullshit, but goddamn, watching people get tortured never gets old, does it? <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=402633">The producers of the <i>Saw</i> franchise certainly don't think so</a>, as they've greenlighted yet another sequel.<br /><br />"Yep, after helming such varied films as "Saw 2" and "Saw 3," Mr. Bousman will indeed be returning for "Saw 4," which begins shooting mid-April in Toronto. Earlier nerd-buzz indicated that production designer David Hackl would be stepping up to the directorial plate, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.<br /><br />Fortunately Darren B. does have a non-"Saw" project cooking between Twisted Pictures and Lionsgate. It's a rather strange-sounding piece called "Repo! The Genetic Opera," but I'm guessing that flick won't get underway until "Saw 4" is put to bed ... or he's roped back in to "Saw 5."<br /><br />Ah, and it seems that the final "Saw 4" screenplay has been chosen; it's the one written by "Feast" scribes Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton.<br /><br />"Saw 4" opens on October 26th."<br /><br />Sadly, Twisted Pictures has idiotically passed on my idea to revolutionize the <i>Saw</i> movies: ticklefights! It's like cooking a Thanksgiving dinner: <i>First</i> you tickle the shit out of them and then, only then, do you start drilling open skulls. I'm not sure why that's like Thanksgiving dinner, to be honest.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">I hate my family's holiday traditions.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-69026836499115996722007-02-19T17:23:00.000+00:002007-02-19T17:34:48.532+00:00Trailer Report: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WILL KILL YOU ON AN ISLAND OF PAIN<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA6NiNE9Bl9aLkOFPV4u8W1ZgzbEOWb1oQyTym9QAB60et26r0yv2ymnRhSLcpztnqYAeOaT2DzUiQoWjr7fac4IOZoORnOFSLM1cGemghUA5S0c4_fpq2NqUQrfnYjKS7TvT1fS6HX9S3/s1600-h/16165_w.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA6NiNE9Bl9aLkOFPV4u8W1ZgzbEOWb1oQyTym9QAB60et26r0yv2ymnRhSLcpztnqYAeOaT2DzUiQoWjr7fac4IOZoORnOFSLM1cGemghUA5S0c4_fpq2NqUQrfnYjKS7TvT1fS6HX9S3/s400/16165_w.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5033297688858830626" /></a><br />Though Christmas is long over, occasionally the Gods will bestow a great and wondrous gift upon humanity that transcends our narrow-minded concepts of "holidays," "giving," or "former wrestlers killing people on an island." Yes, that's right, the hilariously <a href="http://www.mugshots.com/Sport/Stone-Cold-Steve-Austin.htm">abusive</a> and allegedly famous Stone Cold Steve Austin has somehow skanked his way into a starring role in the upcoming feature, <i>The Condemned</i>.<br /><br />While you may have been expecting a touching romantic comedy or a mission to save baby Jesus, <i>The Condemned</i> is all about what Stone Cold does best: fuck people <i>up</i>. He's a killer, and he has to kill other killers on an island while people elsewhere watch a broadcast of the killing killers. KILL.<br /><br /><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1953053988">MySpace Exclusive: The Condemned Trailer</a><br><embed src="http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" flashvars="m=1953053988&type=video" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="430" height="346"></embed>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-15277808774441048682007-02-16T18:38:00.000+00:002007-02-16T19:00:07.822+00:00Germans Hate The 300<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGMWTrWGeWpXYnJiQ15uvg0XDuTp9dq-vy1o_r7gSo_Ypo8m0WReZTPfBeFqTUJVaHavcUAgIWgwxtCcGOkNFgafmTA2sXEiJoCdmqHkDe5dUmAnswF1Y7VEw04EADowWKghtjTA1nELW0/s1600-h/300-poster3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGMWTrWGeWpXYnJiQ15uvg0XDuTp9dq-vy1o_r7gSo_Ypo8m0WReZTPfBeFqTUJVaHavcUAgIWgwxtCcGOkNFgafmTA2sXEiJoCdmqHkDe5dUmAnswF1Y7VEw04EADowWKghtjTA1nELW0/s400/300-poster3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5032206900804991250" /></a><br />A recent screening of the upcoming <i>300</i> in Berlin resulted in people walking out early on the movie and booing, <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070216g.php">says Dark Horizons</a>. This makes sense, as we all know that the German people are historically very averse to violence in any form. Right.<br /><br />"Now the controversy erupted starting with Cinematical which reported on Wednesday that audience members left throughout the press screening and loudly booed as the end credits scrolled up the screen. Their review was far from glowing as well.<br /><br />Yet long standing reliable critics like Todd McCarthy from Variety, Kirk Honeycutt at The Hollywood Reporter, the very picky Emanuel Levy and the always verbose but I trust his taste (there's not many people I hand that compliment to) Todd Gilchrist at IGN have all heaped major praise on the film. Another report indicated that the press screening did have some booing, but it was limited to only a handful in one section."<br /><br />This is all well and interesting, but most of the harsher criticism of <i>The 300</i> was rendered rather inconsequential when everyone leaving the theatre was violently speared through the brain by shirtless Spartan warriors. Publicity stunts, my friends, they're getting cooler and fucking cooler. These days, you can't get a degree in Marketing without cutting a motherfucker's skin off.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-51807185707095306352007-02-16T18:21:00.000+00:002007-02-16T18:35:49.700+00:00Two Face Has A Butt Chin<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3RguVcNrRM4DeTOPhwiwKAvjiI7y6wLLqdyLXz7dny2fHJ3m4jl7fmUPpND7aO2Xxtpau1kec22IHpYxaaxqLoaAdwtzNmuTOXhYc0fCw0lXwXc1pVGL4e_4dowOIKuIDBojTHWycGIvl/s1600-h/eck.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3RguVcNrRM4DeTOPhwiwKAvjiI7y6wLLqdyLXz7dny2fHJ3m4jl7fmUPpND7aO2Xxtpau1kec22IHpYxaaxqLoaAdwtzNmuTOXhYc0fCw0lXwXc1pVGL4e_4dowOIKuIDBojTHWycGIvl/s400/eck.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5032199397497125106" /></a><br />The actors of the world who were actually born with half their face horribly disfigured by acid will have to wait longer for their day in the sun. <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070216a.php">Aaron Eckhart is Two Face</a>. Suck on it, halfies.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioTX2VM1Ol4ljllx63pEQxw1mD2xUol3LAMvW57kNNnUiOW1FL-7MANvNuFmcik6dBQVOogZa6P3rWTwEKW6LHZQmF-NfQGxYpjXGM8GTA4nY83t5XdHexLIQ9lR-DbTqcP23aCQ4_bhD-/s1600-h/scana.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioTX2VM1Ol4ljllx63pEQxw1mD2xUol3LAMvW57kNNnUiOW1FL-7MANvNuFmcik6dBQVOogZa6P3rWTwEKW6LHZQmF-NfQGxYpjXGM8GTA4nY83t5XdHexLIQ9lR-DbTqcP23aCQ4_bhD-/s320/scana.jpg" /></a><br /> <b><i>Awww, poor Halfie.</i></b><br /><br /><i>The Dark Knight</i>, the upcoming Batman sequel, now has most of its headlining cast set. The only negative news to come out of this development is that the upcoming filming of the movie will have to pay extensive zoning restriction fines to accommodate Aaron Eckhart's massive fucking head.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-38500978532676064452007-02-14T17:37:00.000+00:002007-02-14T17:45:28.036+00:00Even The Military Is Fucking Scared of Jack Bauer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJy58s4d095DtbqTjAy8GRYq1hQtjEjhyZ1kRD18DTsB3i08YfeQjPHaW1N_kUUVg2p3JS9C4jcvlfNkZnwcWoGWTl2dCSXiUF1MRsCJv2c66AJPXvJ4VSS-l6fCsqDLNcOYQHWte7KxCT/s1600-h/24h.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJy58s4d095DtbqTjAy8GRYq1hQtjEjhyZ1kRD18DTsB3i08YfeQjPHaW1N_kUUVg2p3JS9C4jcvlfNkZnwcWoGWTl2dCSXiUF1MRsCJv2c66AJPXvJ4VSS-l6fCsqDLNcOYQHWte7KxCT/s400/24h.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031445970039093474" /></a><br />I happen to be among the few people who haven't seen an episode of 24. I am not proud of this fact, yet, I find it personally vindicating to the show that even having never seen a single bit of it, I <i>still</i> know better than to fuck with Jack Bauer. The United States military, however, apparently doesn't. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-02-14/#celeb4">They recently took issue with 24's torture scenes</a>, and have asked them to tone it down a bit.<br /><br />"Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan recently visited the set of the hit show in California to speak to the show's makers. Finnegan is concerned about the effect the torture scenes are having on US troops abroad as 24 is popular among members of the American armed forces. According to the New Yorker, Finnegan told the producers, "I'd like them to stop. They should do a show where torture backfires. The kids see it and say, 'If torture is wrong, what about 24?' The disturbing thing is that although torture may cause Jack Bauer some angst, it is always the patriotic thing to do." Human Rights First spokesman David Danzig says, "I think there is no question (that torture scenes are having an effect). We have spoken to soldiers with experience in Iraq who say, for young soldiers, there is a direct relationship between what they are doing in their jobs and what they see on TV. The image of the US and its military is being affirmed.""<br /><br />Interestingly enough, no prisoners at Guantanamo Bay were asked whether or not the torture scenes have had an effect on their daily lives. This is probably either because they happen to be intensely loyal fans of the show, or maybe just due to the fact that our brave men and women have long since removed their tongues. <br /><br />GOOOOOOOOOO AMERICA! <br /><br />By the time you read this, Jack Bauer will have already assassinated the entirety of the United States military in order to express his annoyance at their requests to change the show. Like you didn't see that coming.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7158217932978609929.post-17565323035204786322007-02-14T17:28:00.000+00:002007-02-14T17:36:38.045+00:00Maggie Gyllenhaal = Katie Holmes x 30<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoigVbyBEE04NLceaU1a9fLNR2hsfXMf28utuFtzScU-nMDfbJ1-0YpSusO36LAXAPRpe_rGn-zN6bH5rPNthL2V-bPtjhGkjU7883lVMNwq5afL8rprZ_xWo_518ybkptRakepdxTm-Qo/s1600-h/Maggie_Gyllenhaal_i__98612o.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoigVbyBEE04NLceaU1a9fLNR2hsfXMf28utuFtzScU-nMDfbJ1-0YpSusO36LAXAPRpe_rGn-zN6bH5rPNthL2V-bPtjhGkjU7883lVMNwq5afL8rprZ_xWo_518ybkptRakepdxTm-Qo/s400/Maggie_Gyllenhaal_i__98612o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031443912749758674" /></a><br />Lots more than just chiclets and cheap workers coming out of <a href="http://www.latinoreview.com/news.php?id=1458">Latino Review</a> these days. Turns out those deceptively intelligent little bastards have uncovered some news about something that will stop you - momentarily - from pouring gasoline up and down the aisles of your favorite theatre. Turns out Maggie Gyllenhaal is replacing Katie Holmes in the new Batman movie, <i>The Dark Knight</i>.<br /><br />Follow the link to the article, and join me and the rest of the male community in gawking in joyous wonder at the leading picture on this post, and whispering happily, "Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ. You have shown me the way; and the way is sizeable boobies and Batman."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0