Pierce Brosnan Is Actually Alive

Against all odds and pissing into the open mouth of traditional logic, it appears that Pierce Brosnan still has a career. He's scored a lead role in an adaptation of the novel The Big Biazarro. Pierce will be playing a poker legend who trains a young, upstart player on his road to the proverbial big game.

I'm sure that this will be a welcome change of pace for the versatile Brosnan, who has spent the past few months in intensive training to work on his "Crying bitterly while crumpling an 8x10 of Daniel Craig" routine. He's a character actor, you know, gets into the part. Tries not to weep in public over the burnt-out, pathetic husk of his career. That kind of method acting.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This post is brought to you by the Pierce Project. The Pierce Project is a non-denominational charitable mission devoted to saving one of our finest actors from depression, drug-addiction, and numerous forays into the world of peddling ass for crack cocaine. Please do what you can; Pierce will take your spare change.