Oh GODDAMMIT NICHOLAS CAGE!

I take everything good I've ever said about anything back, because Nicholas Cage is in another movie. Another shitty movie.

"Nicolas Cage and Todd Garner will produce and Cage may star in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice," a live-action feature for Walt Disney Pictures reports Variety.


The apprentice gets a broomstick to do his chores for him but things get out of control when the broom takes over. The tale was the basis for the sequence in Disney's animated classic "Fantasia.""

I'm going to give you a quick visual memory jogger, if you've forgotten the first Sorcerer's Apprentice. Here:


I can hope, pray, and beg all that I want, but there's no chance that Nicholas Cage isn't going to do this. He's going to sign on, and he's going to spend the whole fucking movie sprinting around, freaking out, and punching old ladies.

Why, you might ask? Why would a man who seems, occasionally, to possess more than a little talent (Leaving Las Vegas did actually happen) continually place himself in the worst possible movies ever conceived?

I'll tell you why. Because Nicholas Cage hates you, with a fiery vengeful passion, and there's nothing that makes him happier than churning out Wicker Man after Wicker Man and cackling maliciously on his way to the bank in his corvette made out of skulls.

I might as well just start including this in every post, but, her, why the shit not: