Hippies Can Make Movies?!? Fuck!

Catherine Hardwicke, the director who prides herself on bring you masturbatory fantasies that make you feel like a goddamned pedophile(Thirteen, anyone?), has now trained her eye on putting together the movie adaptation of Edward Abbey's Monkey Wrench Gang.

"The story concerns a motley group of environmental warriors who wage mayhem against road builders and other developers in southern Utah.

Publication of Abbey's novel in 1975 gave rise to eco-terrorism (aka. monkey-wrenching), a new generation of environmentalists who practiced sabotage for the sake of saving the Earth."

In response to the news of a full-length feature film be produced about annoying hippie clubs, I'm planning to drive my Hummer to Walmart to buy a steak, which I will grill using 100 times more fuel than I actually need. Once I've consumed my flame-kissed meat, I will wander, drunk and naked, into the forest with a rifle and begin shooting each baby animal foolish enough to stumble into my path. The whole time, I will be (attempting) to loudly slur my way through the star-spangled banner. It's the only way to counteract them.