People Getting Tortured Continues To Be Funny

I know that we've rabbits and rainbows and the Geneva conventions and all of that hippie bullshit, but goddamn, watching people get tortured never gets old, does it? The producers of the Saw franchise certainly don't think so, as they've greenlighted yet another sequel.

"Yep, after helming such varied films as "Saw 2" and "Saw 3," Mr. Bousman will indeed be returning for "Saw 4," which begins shooting mid-April in Toronto. Earlier nerd-buzz indicated that production designer David Hackl would be stepping up to the directorial plate, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

Fortunately Darren B. does have a non-"Saw" project cooking between Twisted Pictures and Lionsgate. It's a rather strange-sounding piece called "Repo! The Genetic Opera," but I'm guessing that flick won't get underway until "Saw 4" is put to bed ... or he's roped back in to "Saw 5."

Ah, and it seems that the final "Saw 4" screenplay has been chosen; it's the one written by "Feast" scribes Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton.

"Saw 4" opens on October 26th."

Sadly, Twisted Pictures has idiotically passed on my idea to revolutionize the Saw movies: ticklefights! It's like cooking a Thanksgiving dinner: First you tickle the shit out of them and then, only then, do you start drilling open skulls. I'm not sure why that's like Thanksgiving dinner, to be honest.

I hate my family's holiday traditions.

Start Getting In Line To See Ja Rule Get Tortured

If you're reading this, it's already too late, as I've paid several hundred thousand people to start reserving spots in line for me to see Saw 4. You know why? Because Ja Rule gets tortured in the first scene!

"I’ve actually just read the script to the upcoming sequel, set to film in March, and the details I’ve given you are indeed true. The little girl i talk of is Jeff’s daughter… and you will be completely shocked when you see what Jeff and his daughter have to endure in Part 4. Actor, song writer, and rapper Ja Rule has also been cast to star in the films opening scene on the first day of shooting in Toronto. More details as I recieve."

Yes, Ja, I remember seeing you on TRL as a younger man, and holy Christ, even as a teenager I wished to see you impaled in several hilarious ways. Hope you enjoyed your three minutes in the spotlight, bro. Here's hoping there's fire and red-hot metal! Holler!