Charlie Sheen Could Use Some More Money, Please

In news that should be surprising to absolutely no one, Charlie Sheen is desperately trying to sell shit to make money. IMDB reports he's now auctioning off a letter from Marlon Brando that he received in 1991:

"The actor invited Brando to his 26th birthday party in 1991, but the heavyweight star - who appeared in Apocalpyse Now with Sheen's father Martin - was too ill to attend. The letter reads, 'I'm feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick. I'm holed up in bed and taking everything from sled dog urine to powdered East Indian vulva. I really feel bad for not showing up at your birthday bash but I really feel s**tty and best stay in bed. I'm sure it will be a kick in the ass, and I hate to miss it - Happiest of birthdays to you, Charlie.'"

I'll ignore the fact that Marlon Brando wrote Charlie Sheen about consuming urine and powdered East Indian vulva. Let's focus instead on the following:

a) Charlie Sheen is still alive.
b) Charlie Sheen has successfully saved something that he received in 1991 without smoking it or peddling it on the street.
c) Charlie Sheen is still on television.
d) Charlie Sheen is still alive.

It's sad that he has to sell important personal effects like that to make money, though. You'd think that the royalties from Hot Shots would sustain him forever, wouldn't you?